Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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