There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
