So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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