My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
