Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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