You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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