Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
