I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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