How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
