There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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