The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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