All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
