she looked like the before picture.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
