The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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