There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
