omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
