He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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