Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
