So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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