ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
