i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
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