everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
