Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
