I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
