I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
