Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
