the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
