my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think i peed on brittanys purse
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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