I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
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