Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
