how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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