I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
