That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
