I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
