small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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