Michael Bay diarrhea
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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