dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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