and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
