My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
