i just wanna soil my oats bro
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
