Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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