Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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