i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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