I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
