I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
