i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
