What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
