Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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