and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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