Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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