Pappa wants mamma naked
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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